Dear Pastor Andy, I’ve believed in God since the day I was born. I also went to a Catholic school and attended church every Sunday. But for the last 2 years or so, I’ve stopped believing; it feels like I’ve lost God. I used to turn to God for everything, but now I don’t. I feel like I was born, maybe even forced to believe in Him, and didn’t have a choice. I am very confused spiritually. My life hasn’t been very well the past while and I blame God for everything that is wrong. Also, if there was a God, he wouldn’t let me suffer like this, right? Please help me. I wanna be able to believe again and have a relationship with God again!!
As I’m understanding, you’re upset about the way your life’s been going, and don’t understand why it is if God really loves you, or even exists. But at the same time, you notice that as it’s been bad, you also haven’t been communicating with God for a while. So you notice a connection there, which may be the reason for your confusion…your spirit is conflicting with your mind (as they pretty much always do). But at the same time, you recognize your faith in God as a relationship, not just an object you put your faith into, which is good.
It’s actually OK to doubt God. I mean, He doesn’t like it when we do, for He’d prefer we just take Him at His Word, but unfortunately, it is common. For example, there’s a little guy in the Bible who doubted God by the name of Gideon, and one thing that really stands out about him is his doubting of God. But God took his lack of faith and proved Himself to Gideon each time he asked.
But do you see what Gideon did? He sought after God, and you need to seek Him, also – step forward. Gideon was really pretty rude in his asking, too. I don’t suggest you be rude, but you could ask God anything, such as, “Do you really exist or have I been following an idea forced upon me from childhood?” “Show me something so I know…”, “please give me evidence…”, “prove to me…” He won’t strike you down for asking this stuff, for it’s a means of stepping forward, towards Him – prayer, if you will.
It’s also OK to blame God for everything (unfortunately, this is common, too), but if you’re going to do that, then I think it’s only fair that you tell Him what it is you’re blaming Him for (He’s God…He can take it). If you don’t believe me, check out Psalm 88. And in your venting, ask Him what you want to ask Him, as I just mentioned.
It would also help if you read the Bible, for that way, you will also allow Him to speak to you through His Word (Gideon begins in Judges 6).